Somewhere in between

(Taken in the summer of 2008 when we were on a medical rotation in Wyoming. It was Memorial day and Brannon, Belize and I went with Grandma to put flowers on ALL of her relatives graves, in the pouring rain! To my surprise her name was already on the marker next to Grandpa's. I asked, "Doesn't that weird you out?" "No," she replied matter-of-factly, cheerfully, reassuringly that someday she would honored to have her body layed by his side. She cried that day, in the falling rain, missing her sweetheart and we were just content to be there with her & memories.)

What a weird place- the place somewhere in between. Are you coming or going? Are you still living or are you dying? The answer is both. Coming and going, living and dying. When my dad was the Bishop of our church, I remember that he had to conduct a lot of funerals, many of whom he did not know the individual. I often thought that it would be very difficult to talk at someone's funeral who you didn't know but I do remember this poem that he shared frequently as being as tender and pertinent for each of those persons.

"A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says She is gone.

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large now as when I last saw her. Her diminished size and total loss from my sight is in me, not in her.

And just at that moment, when someone at my side says she is gone, there are others who are watching her coming over their horizon and other voices take up a glad shout - There she comes!

That is what dying is. An horizon and just the limit of our sight.

Lift us up O Lord, that we may see further. " - Bishop Brent

My Grandma Gregg is under the care of my parents right now, she is at the end of her earthly journey. A year and a half ago she was the most vibrant, healthy, get up and go Grandma I've ever seen! She has served missions in 3 countries with my Grandpa. She given countless service to her church, neighbors, friends and her family. Just 5 years ago she went with our family on an 11 day boat trip down the Grand Canyon. Truly an inspiration of what someday I would like to become (man, I need to start exercising and drinking vanilla soy milk ;)).

Still, in this time of journey's end, she is an inspiration of quiet strength, faithful endurance and amazing grace. Although I'm sure she is frustrated that her brain is not allowing her body to do the things she wishes, she is the example of patience and perfection. And soon, her body will free her spirit into the open and loving arms of her dear Tom, who is so excited, he can probably barely stand it. And he gives gooooood hugs, like a big 'ol growly bear.

Aren't we all somewhere in between? Are we living to the fullest? Are we experiencing the greatest joy along with our sorrows? Have I done any good today? Do I know where my children are?!?!!!! (Oh yeah, Belize is in Rio's bedroom listening to Scripture Scouts and Rio is under the desk at my feet with his blanket).

I'm sorrowful for the pain she is feeling, I'm excited for the homecoming she will have, I'm honored that she is MY Grandma, I'm thankful that she embraced my husband and my children with her love, I'm blessed because of the choices she has made in her life including raising my Dad and converting to the mormon faith, I'm grateful for the example she has set and I'm joyful for the love that we share together and the close relationship we enjoy. I'm thinking of the biggest, warming, comforting, long and loving hug, then I'm closing my eyes tightly and sending it through time and space and hopefully she will feel it. I love you Grandma.