I think I'm slowly losing my mind and i think some venting is in order. As you might know, "Match" day is looming and I mean LOOMING! It's like the constant self-inflicted visitor who just doesn't leave even when you scream, yell, cry, beg, or plead. Match day is the day when 20,000 or so A-type personality medical students after 21+ years of brain-breaking education sit in a little room w/ their immediate familes and hold in their hands an envelope that will determine their future for the next 3-9 years (Family medicine residencies are 3 years while Neuro-surgery is a WHOPPING 9! Eeks) (this residency does not include a fellowship if you choose to specialize w/in your field).
This year Match day lands on Thursday March 19th but even more heart clutching than Match day is "NOT match day" . . . the day when you find out if you matched at ALL (March 16th). All of your long hours, amazing test scores, sucking up to your attendings, Honor status and grades cannot release you from fear of "NOT match day". The fear seeps into every moment of your day and keeps you from sleeping at night. At first it seemed irrational but FEAR has officially taken over and it seems like a very realistic reality. I'm living in a National Resident Match Program created (the worst place imaginable). Brannon puts it best when he says, "If there was a way I could just go to sleep and wake up on the 16th . . " Maybe a medically induced coma isn't exactly the right approach but I'm willing to try just about anything right now because I feel as though this weight will crush me soon.
Other venting issues:
First Rio. When I prayed for a happy kid, which thankfully I got, I kinda thought that good-sleeper was included . . . i guess I was wholly wrong? Yes, he went through a few good days where he slept through the night but just as we breathed a sigh of relief, the claws came out in full force!!!! Rocking back to sleep, nursing on command, stretching his nursing out during the day and crying it out have all been implemented. Anybody have any suggestions cause I'm beyond needing help. If you are a nanny/wet nurse/insomniac, I would take out yet ANOTHER loan for your services, at least for the next week and a half.
Second Belize. I'd like to preface this with saying that Belize has been a trooper between her parents ups and downs and Rio's crying it out in the same room for sometimes 2 hours (It's unbelieveable that she can sleep through that, I know I CAN'T, even with ear plugs).
Oh Keller ( real name has not been changed cause his mom is unable to check our blog). Oh Keller. I think I've mentioned before that I have a part-time job. It's at a local gym in the day care. 2 days a week, Belize, Rio and I go for 3 hours to have a playdate, get $8.55 (we just a 5 cent raise (to get to minimum rage))an hour and a free gym membership. Plus, I work with 2 other fabulous Moms who I love to shoot the breeze with and Belize gets her abundant wiggles out! A few weeks ago I switched days and on the new day started tending this 4 year old (who looks like an 8 year old) little/big boy. Who then started coming BOTH days!!! I wouldn't peg him as a bad kid just one with a lot of energy in a little kid small daycare with an aggressive, can't focus on anything for more than 2 seconds personality. He has a very hard time listening, throws toys, jumps off anything, wrestles, yells, hits, pushes, spends a lot of time in time-out . . . you get the general picture.
Anways, I feel for this mom, I understand how she needs to have her own time and work-out. Moms need a me-outlet, right? But Holy Hanna! He is ruining my kid. Belize adores him, she follows him around the daycare copying everything that he does. She talks about him at home. In her eyes, he is the cat's meow. And what's worse is that he likes her too! If Belize is focused on playing nicely w/ something he comes over to atagonize her into getting into trouble. Yes, I realize that 2 is the age for hitting, pushing, not listening and copying but I don't think she needs any HELP WITH IT from another kid. I might be over-reacting but I don't need this and neither does she, i'm considering quiting, I'll keep you posted. I would be sad to let my cushy, just what I need job go but come on! Does anyone hear me on this one?
Truly i'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. Someday (in a week and a half actually) the world will look like a different place. I'm praying a lot, I'm so thankful for prayer, if i didn't know that Heavenly Father was listening I might not make it). I just needed to vent and I feel bad venting solely to Brannon, poor guy, he needs a whole blog dedicated to Match day. Hang in there Honey, we're going to make it. So, if you read this rediculously long and depressing post, thanks!
