For my children

Let the late night rambling thoughts begin:

Tonight I held both of my children while they slept.

Rio smelled like Anthropologie (he got into my new candle), his hair smelled of apple soap and clean sweat. His eyelashes are sooooo long. His mouth was pulled down into a 2 year old frown. He breathed deep. His hair was wet (again, with the sweat). He is precious and a son of God. He is a miracle.

Belize smelled like she needed a bath- like her skin had been played in all day. Her cheeks were soft and her eyelids glistened. Her lips were puckered in a perfect puck! Her hair was smooth and shiny. She snored softly. She is precious and a daughter of God. She is a miracle.

Mayan is tiny- the size of a papaya (according to my fruit chart). She is quite active, especially today when it seemed as if she were punching her arms and feet out at the same time. She is strong. She is precious and a daughter of God. She is a miracle.

Today, I had a new appreciation for motherhood. I felt it in my eternal soul that I am a mother and will always be one. I read an article recently that said there was evidence that what we do as parents doesn't have that much influence over how our children "turn out". Part of me sighed with relief, phew- that takes the pressure off!haha

But the other part of me knows that is not accurate. I know that nature vs. nurture is not a fair argument when going to each extreme. I do have an effect on how my children "turn out," to think otherwise is foolish and makes having children pointless.

If I only have a teeny tiny speck of influence on my beautiful babies, let it be that I teach them about what I know. That they can choose right. That sometimes right is hard and unrewarding but that they are promised opportunity for joy in trial, happiness in adversity- that if they know who they are and where they are going, they need not despair. "Come what may & love it". Not Lady Gaga style- where they are born one way and stay that way til they die (embracing every flaw), but where they are born and continually progress to follow their perfect example, Jesus Christ. The enduring IS the joy in the journey. If you can't be happy in your current situation, change your situation, make it better. If you can't change your situation then change your perspective, make it better- deeper.

I promise to my children that I will try to lead by example. I, with no doubt, will sometimes fail (okay, pretty regularly) but that I will keep trying- for them- for me- to be with them & my family forever. Heavenly Father knows I am not perfect and He still loves me, I still love myself and others still love me- its okay. I hope my kids never feel badly for failing when trying, a step is not meant for blocking your way but for stepping upon.

My life, RIGHT NOW, is my ultimate joy and will continue to be so for eternity.

I have noticed that I have changed significantly the past few years. This is in no small part to my husband and each of my children. I thank them. I love them. Forever.

And can I just say that being a mother is- THE BEST!!! (Ronne Randall)

*As a side note- my actual Mother's Day was filled with "ugly" crying, screaming and general wondering if my children were demons- also I was husbandless- Happy Mother's Day to me. ;) You know I still wouldn't trade it for anything.