Sorry

Tonight I got frustrated. Brannon was postcall , I typically try to repress those feelings of "why the heck aren't you here" cause MAN, I just feel bad for the guy- he's like a dog that keeps going back for beatings with his tail between his legs, still he goes back. So the feelings shifted to the little guys- I HATE that it does that. I spent over an hour trying to make a sourdough BBQ pizza from scratch and BOMBED! The only thing good was the BBQ sauce and it was from the store. Then neither of my kids would try it- who could blame them?

I did.

I got mad and banished Belize to her room and threw away their dinners. Brannon selflessly got their coats and shoes on amidst tantrums and got them out the door so I could clean up- which

I'm not, I'm blogging and listening to "Gone away from me."

I wish I could be a perfect mom- to never yell, never lose it, never be angry. But I'm not and well, I remember that my mom was not either and I still think she's a keeper. ;) I keep hoping that Belize will be too young to remember any of this and that I still have time to change and not mess her up completely. Alas, I think we have past the point of forgetfulness and I just need to teach her about forgiveness.

The point is that even though I slip up almost daily, I'm generally headed in the right direction, right? A little progress is still progress . . .right? Mother Teresa says that to be humble you must experience humiliation. I still love my kids more than cupcakes, more than sunshine, more than Brie cheese! I would shout it off a mountain top, out my window or even in the middle of

a high councilman's talk (wouldn't that be funny? or at least entertaining?).

I think I need to say, "sorry." Hopefully it will be followed by some sweet hugs, have I mentioned they are the BEST!!!!! I probably need to clean up too . . .

so

this

mama

is

out!