"Alone." This topic comes up frequently in my head. People ask if I'm lonely. Heck, I ask myself if I'm lonely. Brannon's schedule has been uh well, busy. The reality is that we don't get to see him that much (he just had his first day off in 2 weeks). But the truth is that the majority of the time I FEEL like we get to see him a lot. We still manage to go on dates, watch Burn Notice and Chuck on hulu, and talk with each other at night. The kids have great relationships with him and it feels as if he is an intricate part of their lives.
I also know that this sense of quality comes solely through Brannon's efforts to BE here for us when it counts. No joke, they call him Mr. Fantastic at work. I've never witnessed anyone work so hard to get home- he is a machine. It makes me feel so good that A) he WANTS to be with us and B) I never NEED to worry (although I won't lie- I do anyways). He is constantly reassuring me that "we can do this" and I believe him and I feel comforted.
Tonight we stopped by Brannon's work (he's on call) to bring a plate of cookies. Luckily he had a break in the action and we got to go inside and say hi to all the people he works with (its nice to put faces to names). When we got to the floor, Brannon had to leave us by the elevators while he checked in w/ someone and there was a woman sobbing on the floor next to the elevator. Brannon came back and we moved to a conference room. Brannon explained (to me) that her husband had been shot in the chest and it didn't look good. We probably stayed 5 minutes and then headed back to the elevator where the woman was now wailing, "I can't do this alone." He didn't make it, she had an 11 month old baby.
I think its natural to wonder what would happen if you lost your sweetheart. While I worked at Childrens' Hospital Hem/Onc clinic, I was friends with many families who'd lost a loved one. I had and still have mini panic attacks quite often actually thinking about if it were me.
But however terribly I would miss that person, I will never be alone. I am never alone and for that I am grateful.
2 comments:
I also have little panic attacks every now and then! I love my family so much that sometimes I am afraid that things are too perfect, and I might lose one of them! Silly, but really I am truly grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that no matter what I will always be with my family!
Shauna, I love this post! It made me cry! Haha, maybe it's the crazy hormones, but I think you are so amazing!and it's obvious you and Brannon have a great relationship. You guys are such a cute family! Man, Belize and Rio are getting so big! And so so adorable!
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